Remembering Papaw...

Today is the one year anniversary since my Papaw Jack passed away. It is really hard to believe! His death was one of the hardest things (emotionally) that I have ever been through! I have always respected him, just as being my grandfather, but in his death I realized how many other areas of my life that he had influenced and I respected him for. I know that he was a great father, his four children and wife can attest to that. But being a grandfather, he was the "awesomest" . I was telling someone the other day, about every softball game that he came to of mine, was the greatest. I wanted to do so much better because he was there. He had played softball for years, and that was a good connection that I had with him. Papaw and Granny have nine grandchildren spread out from me, 33 (the oldest) to Luke, 11 or 12 (the youngest). I always thought that I had it the best because Papaw and Granny were in their early 40's when I was born and I had them all to my self until I was 5!! But then I look at the younger cousins, and realize that when they went to granny and Papaw's to spend the night over the summer, Papaw did not have to go to work the next day. I got to spend time with him in his youth, and they got to spend time with him in his retirement! We all got to have wonderful realationships individually with both of them. Papaw was a devout Christian, and that I also respect him for. He was very active in his church and there are all kinds of things that remind me of him, there when I visit with Granny. He was one of the charter members (I believe). Even as the membership there started dwendling, he continued to love and charish it as his home.

I think the hardes thing about Papaw's death, was that two days before, I had stayed with him in the hospital, and he seemed to be doing a little better. I guess I was in denial, but I just thought that it would be just one more time that he would fight and get better and go home... possibly more frail and maybe in a wheelchair, but I had it in my head that he would get better... Wishful Thinking.

Also, another thought on him, was his relationship with Alex!! I think he was just as excited about her birth as my mom and dad. He was in the waiting room the whole time I was in labor and delivery and was there when they brought her out to show everyone. He couldnt stand to stay at home after we came home. When she was two weeks old, I still could not drive, but he was dying to see her, so he drove over by himself (Granny was sick so she did not want to bring germs over) and visited and held her and took us to lunch at Applebees (He loved the ribs there). Then every chance he had he would come to see her or we would go see them. He made his way over on her first Birthday (granny was not feeling well again) and he was the one that showed her what she was supposed to do with the cake. He took her little hand and mashed it into her cake and had her taste it... that was all she needed to get going in her messiness and cake eating. As he got more frail over the next couple of years, he still would muster up some energy to play with Alex while we visited. He would get down in the floor with her and play ball or something with her. And in the hospital those last couple of weeks and days, if she came in the room to visit, his demeanor would change immediately... and if she wasnt with me, he always was asking about her! He loved her! as he did all of us!! That is one thing I never ever doubted... his UNCONDITIONAL love... and even as our family elements changed over the las several years... I never heard him say a cross word... only concern and love for those whom had distanced themselves. As all of these changes occured, that was my concern... that he would pass away with turmoil going on in a family that had been so close for so many years. But, in his death I learned alot about him and the situations... and I realize that he was at peace with it all and loved everyone no matter what... I guess I should learn something from that!

I MISS YOU PAPAW!!!